broken

Me and Clayton have been back together a little over a month in a half and now he decides that our relationship is going to fast... and once again we hit a brick wall that just will not break. I don't understand how we are going to fast when we are in two seprate countrys and we barly get to discus anything larger than the legal matters of our marriage. i shouldn't want to be with him i shouldn't wish he was home with me but i do i cant help it i love him. it drains me somtimes knowing that there is somthing in his mind saying he doesn't love me enough to show anytype of affection. i've done everything i can do to show him i am here and i am not going anywhere but i guess i shouldn't be in that mindset. He lied to me when he said he was commited and was willing to do anything to prove it. the night i went to NC to be with him B4 he deployed he rather get high, i ask him to do one simple thing and add me to his facebook and he couldn't even do that. in the back of my mind all i can think is he is still talking to that other girl. i feel like i'm going a gainst a brick wall and i don't have anything left to break it down. i don't know what else to do i know it's going to hurt like hell but maybe i should just let the flame i thought we still had burn out befor it knocks over and catches me on fire. it hurts sooo much and i don't think i can come back from this place this empty feeling i have in my chest. i cant do anything to change his mind obveously, and i can't do anything to change my heart.