I am not the perfect Army Wife. The deployments sometimes get to me and there are times when nothing seems to go right when he's gone.I think about how wonderful it would be to have my Soldier home all the time. There are times when he is home I push him away so ti doesn't hurt so bad when he leaves again. At night I cry because I can no longer handle trying to stay strong. There are times when feel like walking away from this life I have built, but when I stop and think about it, I remember how much I love my man and I am proud to be an Army Wife.

today was hard i din't get to talk to him and i realy needed to. I'm stressed He told me not to worry and not to stress but it's so hard not to. I sat down and looked around at the mess and boxes that i had to pack it into and all i wanted to do is cry. I want him to be able to wrap his arms around me i want to be able to have him hold me close and tell me not to worry and not to stress. I feel like i can't breath. I feel like one day without talking to him my walls are closing in. Its so frustrating because i'm not some weak women who cant carry on when my husband is deployed. I'm a soldier myself i know how the military works. that's whats so frustrating because i have to fix my paperwork in the personel section so we can live together, start our family but clayton hasn't helped. Thats frstrating all in it'self i'm hoping he'll be able to get and fill out the paperwork and send them back with hopfully a little money to pay for the proxy stuff.

PROXY MARRIAGE

so i started the process of doing the only thing i can right now to fix the paperwork so my marital status says married again, this whole thing has been so frustrating. i wish we never got divorce in the first place. I'm hoping clayton can do all the paperwork so we can start over with our new life together. i'm going to have the paperwork done within the week and i'm hoping clayton can do it also and send it back ASAP because i need to have all this paperwork done befor i leave to go to Texas. I'm hoping that we can get done. so i can have housing when i get to MO.